Some Basics for Internet Dating
By Jeffrey Hauser
Iím o≠ne of the lucky o≠nes. I found my true love o≠n the Internet. I had lost my wife
of nearly thirty years to a heart attack and was alone in my fifties. How to find
someone? I wasnít a spring chicken anymore and into the bar scene. I didnít want to
start a relationship with a co-worker or church member. That could lead to
problems. So I turned to the Internet. Why? Because it was far less intimidating,
(pardon the pun) and relatively easy. I placed my profile o≠n several sites and
surveyed the marketplace. Yes, itís basically a shopping market of prospective
mates. I learned a lot in those beginning days. Let me share some early insights.
Start with your profile. Take a good picture and an accurate picture. There is no
use putting o≠n a wig, or doctoring the results using Photoshop. If you intend to
actually meet that special person, theyíll quickly uncover the real ďyou.Ē
That also goes for your information. Tell the truth. Donít lie about height, weight
or your age. Itís a terrible way to begin a partnership. Be honest about your likes
and dislikes. For instance, if you hate smokers or drinkers, say so.
Which brings me to rule three. Ask for what you want: a blonde, a busty woman,
a tall man, a rich widow, a sex-slave, a country-western nut, an outdoorsman, or
whatever. Itís your life and your commitment.
Thatís a great transition to point four. Describe the type of relationship you
seek. Be it short term, long term, friends, marriage, or something else. Both parties
need to know the otherís reasons for the contact.
Finally, be realistic in your expectations. If youíre a man who wants a super-
model, can you play the piano like Billy Joel? I didnít think so. But be as picky as
your want. Unfortunately, geography plays a part in that last point.
Geography, you ask? Sure. If you live in New York and have your choice of
thousands of singles, great. But if youíre in Eloy, Arizona, your prospects might just
be among ten or so. Therefore you have two choices: lessen the expectations or
broaden the scope. If youíre willing to date someone in Phoenix, you have a two
hour drive but thousands of more potential mates.
What sites would I recommend for the best results? The o≠nes with the most
postings, of course. Yahoo personals and match.com were the o≠nes I had the most
success with. I was patient and cautious. I o≠nly looked at profiles with pictures.
When I found a potential candidate, I e-mailed them with a simple message. It was
honest and direct. For example:
ďI saw your profile and liked what you had to say. We share many interests and I
would like to correspond, if youíre interested. Iím attaching my profile and picture.Ē
Then I waited for a response. Sometimes I didnít get any reply and moved o≠n. I
sent a few e-mails at a time, because I didnít just wait for that ďoneĒ personís reply.
Eventually, I was e-mailing a few women and getting to know them better. Finally, if
the timing was right, I sent over my phone number and asked if they would send me
theirs. I felt it was proper for me, being the man, to call them. In those cases, we
would finally actually hear each otherís voices. From there it may or may not lead to
a first date. Then it becomes like any other dating routine. It moves forward or stops
But the Internet can be a wonderful tool for the tentative and bashful. It also
opens up a world of opportunities. My wife was a widow who had also lost her
spouse and used the Internet for the same reasons. She was a busy mother, working
as a nurse and professor with little dating time. We were both at the right time and
place and o≠nly a few miles from o≠ne another. We went to the same places in the
same neighborhoods for years and yet never knew the other even existed. If it
werenít for the Internet, I doubt we would have ever found each other. But we did,
married and started an Internet business. How appropriate, you might think. We
figured that itís the future of communication and information research and our
research paid off for both of us. Good day and good dating.
Jeffrey Hauser was a sales consultant for the Bell System Yellow Pages for
nearly 25 years. He graduated from Pratt Institute with a BFA in Advertising
and has a Master's Degree from Monmouth University. He had his own
advertising agency in Scottsdale, Arizona and ran a consulting and design
firm, ABC Advertising. He has authored 6 books and a novel, "Pursuit of the
Phoenix," available at amazon.com. His latest book is, "Inside the Yellow
Pages." Currently, he is the Marketing Director for thenurseschoice.com,
a Health Information and Doctor Referral site.
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